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Protected: I’m not what you think

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Meet My Mom

Today is my verdict-release-day.

Nobody knows what I’m feeling, how hard it is to consider factors according to each perspective. How to be in the middle of two not so good choices. How workplace sucks! Geez! Never thought that life will be this cruel to me. No one undestands, no one wants to listen and nobody cares about me. Thank God I still have my REAL friends, my sister, and most especially my mom : she who devotes her life just to make me happy, feel comfy and enjoy every minute of my life even if it takes a lot of courage to step out of my comfort zone. She never disappoints me; she never fails to bring me happiness, courage and love. She showered me some of her peace that she owns althroughout. She never pushes me too hard to what she grasp that I won’t be able to do or will not be enjoyable for me to do. She never doubts in my strenght and accepts my very shameful weaknesses. She’s the only one who seemed to care, comprehend and realizes what I’m going through all these time. Though I’m so reluctant to listen to her when she wants me to, on the other hand, she cheerfully offers her ears just to convince she’s willing to hear every part of the story. Never judges me for whatever side I decided to believe in. She never persecutes me when she thinks I’m in a wrong path but patiently explains her part why she disagrees. She might have too much pride to show but she always acknowledges my points of view. She always nag at me, she keeps on talking and talking until she gets tired, and I keep myself willing to take her dilemmas and scenarios every time. But didn’t find a way to turn all into reality in terms of her family. She always love me, she always keep her arms around me even if she’s away. She never let me do what I do not want to, she always treat me like newborn baby: she forgives me and forgets it in a snap. She always wants me to be close to God, she wants me to be good to everyone, and she wants me to reach my dreams and enjoys what I’m doing. She’s the best mom on earth and I love her. She deserves a big hug and love from me that I thought I can’t give; anyway, it’s not too late. I know life is too short to make others feel their worth and realize how much we love them. And I’m starting now.

P.S. Ma, thanks for everything. I miss the nights when my sister and I hugged you every time we’re afraid of ghost and every time we feel cold. Thanks mom for being strong.

Countdown: 30th Day in Work

I was hoping for a fresh and good start
for my whole week, but it seemed like neither of two had happened.
so many things had pissed me off the whole day, I was so stressed
and annoyed of these little brainy creatures side-by-side.

God knows I’m not a type of person who’s a fault-finder, I think this
might be how the world moves for me : very eerie, unpredictable,
unexplicable and so distractful. Before, I thought relationships inside
the classroom were the worst suffering I could have in my life yet I found
out that there’s even more than my psychotic classmates (well, I’m one
of them).

Now, it’s the workplace : people can’t stop their mouths talking
behind each others’ back ; doodling ; showing off what they got ; and everybody
else who got their angst out.

Goodness!!! I have nobody to confide and let my thoughts out of my mind:
those who can stir off my emotions and just effortlessly fill it out.
I miss my friends, I miss myself, I miss my family and I miss God.
Never expect that life will be this so depressing and lonely despite of
money, job and everything. None of it counts, none of it is worth dying for,
not even my career endeavor, achievements, material and penny : these are
all junks.

None compares to God: His grace and His power.
He has changed me a lot, from inner to outer, from my soul to
my heart to my mind.

I don’t give a damn to those “sneak freak” (as I call them), who
has nothing to do but kick me down.

PS.
Lord, Sorry for this blog. I just wanted to express it out.
I’m still on the process of coping in and out of the work.

Last Days

March and April is one of the toughest months for a student like me most especially when your already at your senior year. It’s kinda different in many ways, fast-paced activities and major exams. It seems that days shake us. Anyways, being in the middle class do not always expect a career like this, graduating and reaching a bachelor’s degree coz it’s often an optional thing. Having the right and good job is more important thing. The issue is that after my 16 years full of sweat, effort, blood and challenging journey within the four corners of our school makes me find relief and perhaps quite closely said as satisfaction and triumph. It’s not all of teenagers who had achieved a peak like this, and being the first child is always a very significant factor on that.

After those couple of years I spent doing projects, assignments, reporting, presentation and whatever freaking activities our teachers and professors required us to do, it’s almost over now and it will finally be over this coming April 6. Things will change, everything! From my daily routine, to jobs, to activities, to attires, and also attitude. A complete change in life and career.

I’m going to miss my friends, my seatmates, my peer group, my teachers and professors and every thing about schooling.

I’m already through with all those stuffs and I’m going to the next level now. Hope I’ll find the best job ever after my commencement exercise. Good luck to everyone. Having my master’s degree will always be in my mind but then people change.

God bless. Goodbye my beloved thesis. ^_^

Lost

I’m not feeling well this month, despite of the fact that our commencement exercise is nearer than ever. I’m feeling so sad, empty, broken and lost. I lost my interest in life, I don’t wanna be with anyone. I always wanna cry. I miss my childhood days when my only problem is my playmates, my toys, and candies. I hope I can bring back those precious times I had with my loved ones and to correct my stupid mistakes. I hope I can erase and return all those words I’ve spoken to all my friends and others which caused them to be offended.

I hope I can make things right, I hope I’m not like this, I hope I can change. . .so I won’t be lost.

I love this song, it makes me cry every time I hear this playing.

T.T

Say Goodbye To Papercuts

It was either mid or late November when I started attending my practicum in industrial setting in JB. Of course, excitement is still burning upon me regarding the fact that I’m accepted by the company to complete my needed time composed of 360 hours (estimated to last for two and a half months). Knowing that my job would be more on employee relation, I’m merely aware that 75% of my job will be alotted on filing. Difffrent from what I expected like of encoding, inteviewing and other closely related tasks, but then I accepted the realization that I was wrong.

201 files, filingm 201 files, filing,. . .that’s the main scenario I used to hear every now and then of my on the job training, I consumed much of my time making new folders, checking, updating, and searching for missing and important documents.
Eventually, greater burden brought by the chores assured me to be usedto it as time goes by. Anyways, my immunity didn’t guarantee numbness in my part most especailly my longing (specifically my fingers) ultimate and great desire to be healed from those folders torturing my skin which resulted into many, tiny, sensitive, and painful papercuts. Shocks! Sucks!

It’s hurting me all over again and again even if I’m done with my workloads, either outside the office, or at home, it’s one of those tearful but funny memories of my training in JB.

Nevertheless, during my last week in work, the job, the task, and the loads seemed to be lighter, more recreational, and onjoyable. I might be alone now and perhaps seriousness and independence jive with me yet happiness and learning takes place when I got more time to spend with me, myself, and I.

All I need is LOVE

Just another drop by note from me, I love being in love despite of the fact that it’s against all rules, against the world, . .and against all odds 😀

Money, achievement, recognition &c.: these are not the true basis of real happiness, but only LOVE can make this world go round. It gives meaning and color to our lives.

I’m glad and a lil’bit nervous regarding my bucket list for this semester and it seemed to be more challenging and breath-taking as than what I’ve done before, I know I’ll be able to carry out all the things I’ve written on it. Love it!!

what will happen to us and to this planet without LOVE?? Can’t imagine, life won’t be happy and worth-living, right??

All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.
— Leo Tolstoy

Unexpected Call

A thanksgiving day was held a while ago, I guessed it was just like the first event I attended last December 2009. But I was wrong when I’ve thought of having the same purpose, the previous was more of a family get together. The said event started as early as nine o’clock in the morning, I arrived as early as seven thirty and most of the participants were already there: eating their free breakfast, already wearing their costumes, and they look like so prepared to begin the program.

After my designation in the reception/registration area, I was cornered when the mass began. Obviously, I’m not a catholic member or what, but I do believe in God so I accepted the request. Actually, whenever my friends invited me to go to church, most of the time, I wasn’t able to say “no”.

The bottom line is that the mass I was obliged to attend blessed me. The priest who was used as a vessel of His divine message to me, I love the feeling of being corrected or rebuked. It doesn’t humiliate me anyway, though it hurts yet I choose to remain open-minded.

Three Things I’ve learned from him:

1) We’re preoccupied of the things we can’t hold on to but taking for granted of what we call eternity that we cannot runaway from.

2) In the end, we’ll not be measured according to the number of what we’ve gathered but the number of what we’ve scattered.

3) Must-be-prayer goes like this. . .
“Lord, bless us so that we may become blessings to others.”

P.S.
I noticed that when I’m on the moment that I least expect of “something”, oftentimes, that “something” come in my way unexpectedly. . .during the most unwanted and unprepared times.
Anyway, I’m the only one who thinks I’m caught by nevertheless, there’s no such thing as unprepared and unwanted.
God always give more than we wanted but what we truly needed.

Ciao! Mabuhay!

Live, Love, Laugh

23rd of January, Saturday, it’s already 2010, year of the tiger. It’s just the beginning of all the challenges we have to face and awaits me. Yes! Last year seemed to a very critical endeavor I many aspects. Suicidal thoughts were necessary; feelings of being lost and confused were always with me. I’ve been to a point of such a worthless and wasted person. Nothing’s gonna work for good to me, however, god has given me one more chance to correct and learn from my mistakes and never do it again. I think what makes me more this positive is because of three Ls which sound so familiar to us.

Live – each and every one of us in this complicated world are connected to one another, we might undergo losing someone I our lives but in some sense of this walk, we’ll meet lots of people who will change us and our lives forever (act like a pencil, leave a “GOOD mark” to everybody we’ll be meeting in this journey).

Love– one key to better living is “to do what you love and love what you do . . . just do what’s inside your heart and what makes you happy”. Forgiving is one way of showing and giving LOVE.

Laugh – go with people you love most. Watch a movie, make a blog (LOL), . . .and be happy!! Smile always.

This is beautiful! Try not to cry

Sally said, ‘Why do little children get cancer? Doesn’t God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?’

The surgeon asked, ‘Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he’s transported to the university.’

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. ‘Would you like a lock of his hair?’ the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy’s hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, ‘It was Jimmy’s idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. ‘I said no at first, but Jimmy said, ‘Mom, I won’t be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.’ She went on, ‘My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.’

Sally walked out of Children’s Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy’s belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy’s belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son’s room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said :

‘Dear Mom,

I know you’re going to miss me; but don’t think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just ’cause I’m not around to say ‘I Love You’ . I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won’t be so lonely, that’s okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn’t like the same things us boys do. You’ll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.
Don’t be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn’t look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God’s knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That’s when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn’t allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him where was He when I needed him?’ ‘God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I’ve written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn’t that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I’m sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don’t hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I’m glad because I couldn’t stand that pain anymore and God couldn’t stand to see me hurt so much, either. That’s when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

( Let’s see Satan stop this one. ) Take 60 seconds and repost this, within the hour, you will have caused a multitude of believers to pray to God for each other. Then sit back and feel the Holy Spirit work in your life for doing what you know God loves ‘When youre down to nothing, God is up to something.’

“This masterpiece called ‘This is beautiful! Try not to cry’ is not originally my work, this was also sent to me by my friends in d777.mm@gmail.com. I found myself interested on it, despite on its lengthy content, this reading is worth while. So please take a try to feel the story of a mother and son. Thank you and God bless. I extend my greetings and gratitude to the maker of this story. Salute to you!”